I Wish that I could turn back time..............

I wish that I could turn back time
Where things really mattered
Time wasn't an issue
Families cherished the times
around the dinner table so
they could catch up on their day

I wish that I could turn back time
Where children actually listened
To their parents
They paid  attention  and
Sat up straight in their chairs

I wish that I could turn back time
Where TV was UHF and
A person had to get up
and change the channel
if they wanted to

I wish that I could turn back time
Where people sat on their porches at night
Everyone on the street knew each other
Everyone watched out for
 each others kids

I wish that I could turn back time
To that place where God wasn't avoided
in conversations because you didn't know
If the other person would be offended
If you spoke His name

I wish that I could turn back time
But, I can't.........
But I can remember those times
And talk about them with others.............

Change is Coming!!!

On December 28th I will start a new phase of my life. I will be training to be a Certified Medical Assistant. I have wanted to do this since I was 18. I never really had the courage to do it. But, now I do. I have had many other jobs that made me happy but not satisfied. I couldn't go home at the end of the day and truly say that I was content with what job I had done that day. Since I was 18 I have been a file clerk, cashier, cook, fast food manager, retail manager, owner of a cleaning business, Assistant property manager and the list goes on.I don't know what this next journey will bring, but I am looking forward to the challenge of the walk. I have a goal of missing no days and also a 4.0 gpa.If I do this, I will be able to wear a Red robe instead of a Black robe like the usual. It may seem silly to care about this, but I need that "brass ring" to reach for so the ride won't be so hard. I know this is short, but I was also cooking at the same time.:)

Thanksgiving Day

We had a very nice Thanksgiving this year. I love this holiday!! It is alot of work but it makes me so happy at this one time of year to cook my little heart out. As always this year I had the entire menu in my head, no notes, just by memory. So, as always the night before I prepared everything I could and set everything out on the counter that would not spoil. So, as always, all night long I would sleep a little and then wake up and think about the Turkey and what time I should get up and get it in the oven, I thought about the chocolate pie I had to make and the fudge I had already made. Details just kept running thru my head all night long. So I finally got up at 6:30 after laying there for a couple hours thinking about how my day would be. And, I was off! Don't get in my way when I am cooking a Thanksgiving Dinner!! Don't offer to help either because it just messes up my "flow" as I tell people. If you truly want to help me, then help me clean the mess up after it is all over is usually what I tell them. I know it sounds mean, but just give me this one day where I truly love to serve people!! This year we had it at the church and it went great!! We had about 25 people and we had a lot of fun. Anyways, I am very thankful  to all the help I got and I had a great day!!!

Quick poetry

Another day
Around the town
Joy climbs high
Then falls down
To the ER she went
CT scan she got
No damage to  her head
Just a Tetnus shot
She goes home dizzy
With great pain meds
It just goes to show
She still has a hard head!


I know...this is a cornball poem!!!

Old Bands and singers from 80's I liked

1. Kenny Loggins
2. Van Halen
3 Cyndi Lauper
4. Dire Straits
5. Bruce Springsteen
6. Corey Hart
7. Duran Duran
8. Wham
9. Madonna
10. Lionel Richie
Aww.......Memories!

Things that I like.....

I like many things.....

1. Pepsi in the morning, no ice
2. Candy corn and tootsie rolls
3  The smell of basic chapstick
4. Challenges
5. Cleaning other peoples dirt
6. Setting a goal and reaching it
7. Coming home to a clean kitchen
8. Flannel sheets on a chilly night
9. When I know all the words to an old song
10.A good laugh with an old friend
11.The feeling after a good workout
12.Rick's stories about his past.

Things that bother me

Here are a few things that bother me.
I am not griping I am just writing.

1. When I go into the bathroom and the new toilet paper roll that one of my kids screamed for is sitting on the counter, floor or in a pool of water on the side of the tub when the toilet paper holder is right there.
2. Buying support, control top panty hose and pulling them all the way up and right when you are almost to your waist, they get a runner all the way to your toes!
3.Crumbs in the butter
4.Peanutbutter in the jelly jar.
5.That fly that gets in your car when you are driving and it will only go out the window if you roll both sides down.
6.Someone that changes my radio station without asking first.
7.A bowl of half-eaten cereal sitting nicely in the sink. What a waste!!
8.When someone uses my "just taken out of the drawer in the last 5 minutes dishtowel "and wipes their mouth off or uses it to sop up a spill. A towel dries, a dishrag wipes people!!
9. The lid off of the toothpaste
10.The recliner left in the reclining position and empty.

Well, here are 10, I know there are more, I just can't think of them.

My hard head

On November 9th,2009 I got a present. I got a nice big....lump on my head!!!Yeah, me!

Here is what happened...

I went to clean an apartment. Stood up on a stepladder and had my other one, a more sturdy one next to it. I went to step off of it and lost my footing.

So here I am, in mid air trying desperately to not hit my head and then .............WHACK!!!!
My head hit the cabinet as I landed very hard on the other stepstool. It was not just a bump, it was a VERY HARD WHACK!!! I heard something crack. Was it my neck? Or my skull? The Cabinet? I started blacking out then suddenly jumped to my feet and realized that I had to find my phone to call Rick because I knew this was not just a little bump. So as I found myself calling Rick I realized I was beginning to get very sleeepy.
I got him and I said"Rick!!! Help me!, I fell!!" He was across the complex working in another apartment thank God. He got there really quick. I was slumped against the wall feeling like I was going to pass out. He got me up and took me to Pat's (manager) apartment. she said get her to the hospital now. The lump was about the size of a golf ball and bleeding a little. My neck hurt so bad too.

So we get to the hospital and I am thinking, "don't move your neck Joy". So I was very careful not to. They got me back there and put one of those neck things on me and got CT Scans and basically confirmed what I already knew.. I have a hard head.  With this being said, I thank God for the way he made me. He always watches out for me. I can't tell you the number of times that I have bumped my head, put my head thru a wall, ran into things with my head and etc...

With the exception of being quite sore and stiff, I am ok once again and my head is still as hard as it was when I was born!

Wow, alot about nothing

One week until the big 42. I know I kinda joke about it and write poetry about it, but in reality it scares me.
It seems the older I get, the more my life changes. Yeah, Duh, right? I know this is life, but it is still scary.
Inside I still feel very young and alive. Outside, (my body) just can't keep up sometimes with everything I still really want to do.

Here are some things I still really want to do:

See a lighthouse and go to the top.
Go on a vacation across the states with Rick
Take a short cooking class
Write a book
Go on a missions trip out of the country
Be a grandma

There are others but I can't think of them right now.
I know to some these are very attainable. But to me , right now they are not.
We will see and only time will tell.

My kids

Hey! I can't help it! I love my kids! I baby them, I hug them, and kiss them. They are getting older, but I don't care. Two of them, the boys, or should I say the "men" are adults now. One, Andrew is out on his own. I miss him, but it hasn't been as hard this time as when he went to Tulsa Job Corps when he was 18.

With Mat in Ark. I am finding myself going to his room and (this is weird) and sniffing the air to see if I can still smell him. in his room. (they have this odor that you don't like when they are there, but when they are gone, you miss it.) I go and look at his pictures of the love of his life on his wall, (Caitlyn) and I think to myself, OMG, my baby is not a baby!!!

Don't get me started on Calli, I don't know what I am gonna do with her! She is Ms. Independent now. She buys her own clothes, makes her own decisions about her job (because she got the job, so she can quit it, is what she says.) She only comes to me if she wants something. Well, sometimes (my favorite) she will come into my room and just lay down on the bed for a minute without wanting anything. It is like she just wants to be close to her mommy for a minute. Of course she would never openly admit to this.

Then there is Marah, Oh my! I love her like she is my own, but this has been a tough couple of years. I start to get too close to her like she is my own and then I pull back a little and remember that she is my sisters kid. I only have her here temporarily until Dawn gets on her feet. We have had her for over two years now though and it is harder with every year because I want the best for her. I find myself thinking about her going to college and how can we prepare for that now. I wonder what it is gonna be like when she comes home and says that she wants to learn to drive or date or get a job. I just have to believe that God knew what He was doing when he allowed us to take her in.

Well, that is all for now.

People change!

I have recently realized as I have added old friends to my friends list on facebook that people really do change. We first look  for the outward change. We look at weight, skin blemishes, wrinkles, gray hair, no hair, those sort of things. But recently through conversing with people on facebook I have realized that there are some people that I used to "love" and  or enjoy their presence immencely. But now, I wouldn't give them the time of day because they have become so hardened and bitter in their "old age"  that now I really don't know why they were my friends back then.

Now, I do realize that I have changed a great deal also. I am sure that there are people that can't stand to be around me too. It just makes me think a  little about the way people see me now that they have become my "New facebook friend" after 20 plus years.

Today is the Beginning of the Working Season

Today, I start back at Belk just so my children can have a decent Christmas. It is crazy that I put myself thru the torture of handling 3 jobs at a  time like this just so they can say "I Got This" and "I Got That"! to all of their friends when they return from their Christmas break.

It is not that we can't do it without this extra money. We would have to cut here and there and hold off on some recently acquired medical bills. (mine). We can do it.

I kinda think that I like the challenge of juggling the way I do. I get so "bored" at this time of year. I have to be challenged or I start to kinda get weird.

So, in saying all of this....I am off to by first day back in Retail since about 1.5 years ago!!!!God please help me!

No Title

I have recently had a discovery about myself because of some things that have come to light thanks to other people that I have conversed with lately.

I started this blog because I need an outlet. I need a way to get my emotions out. Let's face it, I am a woman. We have emotions. Yes, men do to, but woman are more emotional. So, in saying that, I have realized that all of my writing has been written because of my mood, or emotions at that moment. I am going to try something new. I am going to try to write about different things. Different ways. More opinionated. At least I am going to try. I don't know if I am made up to be  like that, but I will try.

Here goes........


I think I need help....

Anyone have a topic?

Oldness Thoughts-2007

 One day when I finally wrinkle

My green eyes lose their twinkle

All my loved ones have passed away

My pretty hair has turned to grey

I will think of all the precious things

That made my life worthwhile:

Honeysuckle on a spring day

Rain upon my roof

My children laughing at my "Oldness"

Dancing before the Lord

Lessons learned from my Mom

Advice from my Dad

Hugs from all the precious children I have taught

A good cry, a long goodbye, a "I loved you first to my kids"

A good chick flick that makes me cry

The Tilt a Whirl

Driving down the road singing songs with family

My pillow

My dog

Many other things I could say,

But it would take all day

I think I will think of these things throughout my day today.

So I don't have to wait till I turn grey

Steps

Yesterday I sat in the office of the financial counselor at Community Care College in Tulsa, Ok. She asked me if I had ever applied for any student loans before and I said I can't remember if I had or not. Then she said "yes you have"  and she turned the screen to me. Back in 1991 before I became pregnant with Mathew I had gone to Bryan Institute and looked into the very same thing that I was sitting here doing today. I had forgotten about that. I decided not to go to that because I had just gotten married and I really truthfully didnt think I was smart enough to finish. So, I didnt go.

So, here I was, 18 years later and actually taking the step!! A lot happened in 18 years. Had two more kids. Spent 7 years in an abusive marriage, became bulimic and a "very"social drinker. Blah, Blah, Blah!!!

Now, almost 42 sitting in the chair in the office of this financial counselor, I felt like a kid. I was so excited to finally be able to have enough faith and confidence to do it! After filling out enrollment forms and saying goodbye to her I went to the car and cried. God has helped me overcome so many obstacles in my life. The ones I stated earlier and  so much more. He has given me the strength, courage and opportunity to be able to go for this. I am so grateful for this "Second Chance".

Swiftly

Swiftly, time passes

Days turn into years

Regrets begin to surface

Laughter turns to tears

Picking up the phone to call

Your focus gets diverted

By something unimportant

That voice, you know you heard it

How long has it been

Since you took a little time

To call someone you love

And tell them that you're fine

To tell them that you love them

And to apologize

Asking for their forgiveness

For your thoughtlessness or lies

Please take some time today

To ponder what I've said

You don't want to take regrets

With you,when you are dead

I know this is quite harsh

It might even bring you sorrow

But call that one today

Don't wait until tomorrow

JCreamer-2007

I

Do I? Don't I?


Can I? Can I not?

I do, I don't

I will, I won't

I want, I need

I know..............

I see..........what is wrong with me......

Too many I's in the middle of my life

They need to go, they are causing  strife

Too many voices that I hear

They are controlling

What I hold dear

I only wish that I could listen and do

Only the things that God wants me to do

He has to be the only "I" in my day

Because He is the only truth, life and way

I will, I can

For God is I AM

And so it begins....

I remember the day I was told when I was conceived. What a treasure box of knowledge!!It is something I really didnt need to know to survive. My mom told me that it was February 14th and it happened on the couch! OMG! Yeah it is great that such a lovey, dovey, ooey, gooey treasured holiday was honored and celebratedby my conception. I really didnt need to know this. Now I know why she named me Joy. LOL, just kidding! That was not the reason.

I was born on November 9th, 1967. Other than the greatest day for me it was a great day for "Rolling Stone" Magazine too. It had it's first publishing apparently.Awesome! Anyways, I was born and of all ways to be born I came out in an extraordinary fashion. I came out cracking a great big SMILE!! Yes, I was breach, not legs first , but, butt first! I had problems with the soft spots in my head too. The doctors came and told my dad before I was born that I would either be born dead or retarded. I am sure that it wasnt as harsh back then as I just said it and we all know how "dramatically" stories grow thru the years. But that is how it was passed down to me. My mom gave birth to me and didnt see me for several days. My dad did though.I wish I knew which parent held me first. Were they looking for signs of retardation? Or were they looking back to February 14th, My day of conception and wondering if maybe they had too much fun? LOL, just kidding.

Well, if you know me you know that God had a plan. I am not dead! I am not retarded! My parents named me Joy Kay. What a name! My mom always said that she got the name from a girl she went to school with. She couldnt stand the girl but she loved the name. Wow, what a way to begin life! To sum it up here is the lowdown...

I was conceived on the couch on February 14th, Born with the words hanging over my destiny that I would be born dead or retarded. Then I was lacking soft spots in my skull at birth and I was born butt first. Oh, and finally, I was given the name of someone that my mom hated in school.

I am so glad that life is truly what you make it.
Today, I am a hard-headed, Joyful, Rejoicer that makes people laugh. No complaints!

Soon to be 42

I will soon be 42
Im not sure what I will do
Will I be happy? Will I be blue?

My hair is changing from brown to grey
New wrinkles show up everyday
What else is there left to say?

Miralax is in my daily diet
I can't keep my gas quiet
Prune juice, Ugg, I will not try it!

Urinary system out of wack
Aching joints, stiff back
Energy, What is that?

I will soon be 42
I know what I will do!
I'll go out and buy me something new!

Two weeks before my birthday

Thoughts

In retrospect about my days here on this earth, I have found that though I am changing outwardly, inside many things are still the same. I still see things thru the eyes of someone who has extreme faith in  a person's ability to change. I have always been one to take a persons abuse for long periods of time. Their words and actions dig deep into a well of mercy and love that for some reason (God Knows) has been there since I was born. Yes, it hurts. It is sometimes so bad that I tell myself that I will never be put in that situation again for as long as I live. I used to take it out on myself thru many different things that only turned out to relieve the pain momentarily. It has been 6 plus years since I have done those things. Thru God healing me and saving me I don't have the struggle with it like I did before.

Some people would call me a doormat or an enabler or just stupid. But, I truly believe that God has given me this gift of mercy. I just need to grow more mature in it. I need to have more "tough love" so to speak. I need to learn to speak as Jesus did.

When my time on this earth is thru, I want people to celebrate my life. I want my family to remember me as a person that walked in mercy, love and strength. I can only do that if I continue to seek after God and His will for my life.

The blessing of Andrew

When I realized I was pregnant with him, I was happy, scared, concerned, and sad. I didnt have any family near me. They were in Texas and I was in Arkansas. I got so sick with Andrew. I was sleeping 17 hours a day, the others I would work. I got so dizzy, nauseated, and tired that I didn't think I could get through it. Around 3.5 months, I got a call that my grandpa had passed away. He was in Tulsa, Ok. I decided to go for the funeral. But the last few months I had been very lonely and sad because I had never been away from my family this long. I cared for Ellis but the reality had set in that I was gonna be stuck here in Arkansas living on minimum wage and I would never have the life I dreamed about as a little girl. So, I told Ellis that I was going to Tulsa and secretly I had packed everything important to me and decided that somehow I was staying there when I got there.
Well, when I got off the bus, my other grandparents and my brother greeted me at the bus station. I had begun to show that I was pregnant. Long story short. Everyone guessed it and was totally shocked that I would do this. After the funeral I went to stay with Grandma, grandpa, and my brother Chris. They had such a nice house!!. My grandma knew I was pregnant and she still took me in. I couldn't believe it. After awhile, I called Ellis and told him I wasn't ready to come home. Ended up getting a job at Shoney's as a server. That didn't last, because I was horrible at it. I got tipped mainly because I was pregnant and they felt sorry for me. Then I went to the new Burger King and that job fit like a glove. I love it there. The food met every craving I had!!. During my pregnancy I did alot of growing up. At only 18 I didn't know what to expect being pregnant.I worked hard at my job and I enjoyed doing it. My mom and I were estranged for awhile because of the condition I was in. So basically the people I had to help me were my grandparents and my brother. I would have been lost if I would have stayed with Ellis. Eventually, after begging him to understand that I wasn't coming back to him. He quit calling. I had to let go of him so I could do better by my son.
I never found out during my pregnancy what I was having. I just wanted to have the baby. I didn't care as long as he/she were healthy. I didn't have a car so I walked everywhere I went. My brother and I shared an apartment together. This was pretty handy for us both at that time.
My pregnancy went smoothly for the most part. I had some swelling in a foot. I fell at work one time and later had some pain. Overall it went really well. It looked like I had stuck a basketball under my shirt. I stayed pretty little considering all the food I ate.
I went into labor at 38 weeks. Complete back labor!!! Not realizing the back pain was labor, I went to work that day and about 1:15 during a lunch rush I couldnt take it anymore and went to my manager. He asked me how long I had been having these pains and I told him every few minutes or so. (naive) He said that I need to call my doctor because I was in labor! I was freaked out then, thank you!! Ended up after calling him, I went home and he said to moniter it and call him back if I needed to. About 6 pm, sitting with my brother and his girlfriend Susan in the living room, I went to the bathroom and realized I had lost my mucous plug. Wow, it was happening so quickly. So we went to the hospital and eventually my mom, grandma, grandpa, Chris, Susan and my Aunt Shirley were there. Wow, what an event, 15 hours later, after complete back labor, 4 hours of pushing, a very cleansing enema and IVs, I had Andrew!!

Oh, my I had a boy, a son, a child of my own.
He looked just like Ellis!! He came out with black hair, red skin and dark eyes.He was so precious!! I will never forget that first time I held him.

As I held him I transitioned from an 19 year old naive, scared, and unsure little girl into a mommy with one glance of my son's eyes, with one grasp of his finger around mine, with one first kiss on his cheek.
Andrew Daniel Grissom-Strong
March 20, 1988 The first day of Spring. To me it was the first day I felt alive again.
He changed me, I am forever grateful God for that change.

The Meeting of Dad and Mom

The road that brought me to the McDonalds in Magnolia doesn't seem very relevant at this time. I just know that the manager, Valerie hired me. It was around June of 1987 I began to work there. They gave me this horried polyester blue uniform that no one else had. They had newer more modern for that day ones. I complained to Valerie and eventually got a new uniform. Anyways, about a few weeks into working there, I remember seeing Ellis pass me at the timeclock and stuff. But he hadn't quite stood out to me yet. Then one day after yelling "I need a Big Mac". He hollered back at me something and our eyes met. He had dark eyes that seemed very lonely. Then as I was at the french fry station, he pulled my ponytail and we were hooked.
He asked me out and I went. He had a horrible looking car. It was old and uggggggggly. But it ran, which was all that mattered to him and me at that time. It did smoke though real bad. Anyways, we went out and I think maybe the 2nd time we went out he told me that his family was mixed in race. He thought that would be a problem to me. It wasn't. So long story short, we continued to date for the next month and I decided to move in with him. We were in Arkansas and I swear the bugs were double in size than what they were in Texas!!!. So when we moved into the second place. (The first one was too buggy for both of us) I began to really realize I loved him and vice versa.