In retrospect about my days here on this earth, I have found that though I am changing outwardly, inside many things are still the same. I still see things thru the eyes of someone who has extreme faith in a person's ability to change. I have always been one to take a persons abuse for long periods of time. Their words and actions dig deep into a well of mercy and love that for some reason (God Knows) has been there since I was born. Yes, it hurts. It is sometimes so bad that I tell myself that I will never be put in that situation again for as long as I live. I used to take it out on myself thru many different things that only turned out to relieve the pain momentarily. It has been 6 plus years since I have done those things. Thru God healing me and saving me I don't have the struggle with it like I did before.
Some people would call me a doormat or an enabler or just stupid. But, I truly believe that God has given me this gift of mercy. I just need to grow more mature in it. I need to have more "tough love" so to speak. I need to learn to speak as Jesus did.
When my time on this earth is thru, I want people to celebrate my life. I want my family to remember me as a person that walked in mercy, love and strength. I can only do that if I continue to seek after God and His will for my life.
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